Credit: LucasfilmIt would be unfair to call Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker (2019) the worst film in the Star Wars franchise. The worst film in the Skywalker Saga, sure, but not the worst film. Do you remember The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)? Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)? Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)?
That said, the final film in the Disney and Lucasfilm Star Wars Sequel Trilogy is widely considered to be quite terrible. It would also be unfair to say that it didn’t have its work cut out with its incredibly divisive predecessor, Star Wars: Episode VIII — The Last Jedi (2017), having rocked the fanbase to its very core (in a very bad way, of course).
Related: Han Solo May Have Survived, ‘Star Wars’ Suggests
However, The Rise of Skywalker had the opportunity to right many wrongs. Instead, it created many of its own. The worst part is that most of those problems are pretty standard things, too: Basic storytelling. Character development. A satisfying conclusion. These things are nowhere to be found in the film. Perhaps we needed a Wayfinder.
Somehow, though, the film gets a few things right. The set pieces are among the best in the series. Adam Driver’s performance as Ben Solo/Kylo Ren is solid. Daisy Ridley is also great as Rey don’t-say-Skywalker. But ultimately, the film is a massive disappointment for Star Wars fans, and though there’s a follow-up in the works, it feels a little too late.
Related: The Sequel Trilogy Is WAY Better Than ‘The Mandalorian’ and You Know It
It might have some seriously tough competition with The Last Jedi, but The Rise of Skywalker is the proud owner of many hated Star Wars moments. But nothing says “cringe” more than lousy dialogue, and the Sequel Trilogy-topper has plenty.
Get ready to read through your fingers because here are the worst pieces of dialogue in the film.
It Makes Itself up as It Goes Along
When Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) confronts Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious (Ian McDiarmid) on Exegol at the beginning of the film, who has been resurrected using cloning and “dark magick,” he’s complimented by the undead Sith Lord, who tells him that Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis) trained him well.
A smug Kylo responds, “I killed Snoke,” but Palpatine isn’t having any of it. “My boy,” the Emperor says, “I made Snoke!” The fact that Snoke was “made” is foreshadowed by the giant jar of “pickled” Snokes that can be seen as Kylo is exploring the Sith temple before coming face to face with Palpatine, so it’s not a totally jarring revelation at this point.
Still, it’s such a throwaway line that’s given zero context in the film. And now, shows like The Mandalorian (2019), Star Wars: The Bad Batch (2021), and Ahsoka (2023) are being used to fill in the gaps, with storylines involving unsanctioned cloning and zombified Sith.
It was bad enough seeing Snoke (literally) wasted in The Last Jedi (2017), but to find out he was nothing but a (literal) puppet of Palpatine is even more baffling.
Related: ‘Star Wars’ Finally Replaces the Sequel Trilogy
I’ve Got More Ships Than You
When a First Order officer speaks on behalf of everyone in the audience by challenging the use of the undead fleet of 1,080 Xyston-class Star Destroyers the galactic dictatorship suddenly has at its disposal — courtesy of Palpatine — he’s put in his place by General Pryde (Richard E Grant).
“The Sith fleet will increase our resources ten thousandfold!” Pryde barks at his fellow officer. Ten thousand fold? Really? Why not go for a billion while you’re at it? Heck, why stop there? A gazillion sounds even more convincing. That’ll tell the naysayer.
This line feels like a painfully desperate attempt to really stack the odds against the good guys (isn’t the First Order more than enough of a threat after what they did to the Resistance in the previous film?). But there were never any real chances the good guys would lose anyway (because hope or something), so they may as well have just had at it and gone for a gazillion.
Related: All Upcoming ‘Star Wars’ TV Shows and Movies
Hux Is One of the Most Evil Star Wars Villains
Out of absolutely nowhere, General Armitage Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) is portrayed as a comedic character in The Last Jedi, and the worst part is he’s actually funny. Then, in The Rise of Skywalker, he’s even revealed to be a spy working for the Resistance!
“I don’t care if you win,” he tells Finn (John Boyega) after revealing he’s been undercover this whole time or something, “I just need Kylo Ren to lose.” How very noble of the mass-murdering maniac.
We’re not convinced “mass” would even cover the staggeringly high body count knocking at the door of Hux’s absent conscience. This is the same Hux who blew up five planets in Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens (2015), right? Five planets.
Is this what Disney and Lucasfilm consider character development? We’re even expected to feel an ounce of sadness when Pryde later executes him. But we don’t.
Related: ‘Star Wars’ May Finally Recast Princess Leia Next Year
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Is a Video Game
The Rise of Skywalker has been criticized for many things over the years, one of them being its video game-style plot, which involves Rey (Daisy Ridley) et al. searching for an object that is literally called a “Wayfinder” (this film’s imagination knows no bounds).
This style of so-called storytelling gets even worse when Rey, Finn, BB-8, Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels), and Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo) meet General Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) on Pasaana, in a scene that would even stand out in an actual video game.
“He was carrying a clue that could lead to a Wayfinder,” Lando tells them, pointing them in the direction of a Jedi hunter who, well, obviously has the next clue. This kind of dialogue is just embarrassing. But don’t forget to click “save” before going any further.
Related: All 11 Ahsoka Tano Appearances Ranked From Worst to Best
The Characters Have Lived Sheltered Lives
Shortly after Lando gives them their latest instructions, Rey, Finn, Poe, C-3PO, Chewbacca, and BB-8 find themselves tearing across the deserts of Pasaana with First Order troopers hot in pursuit, who… well, fly now if you can believe that.
How the words “They fly now” would become immortalized in memes, GIFs, and YouTube videos in the years that followed — all in the name of mockery, of course. And the words “They fly now” aren’t just uttered by one character, but three of them, in utter disbelief!
“They fly now!” a stunned C-3PO tells Finn as he watches the enemy launch into the air using jetpacks. Finn phrases his version of the three words as a question, before Poe repeats the line in an exasperated tone.
Not only is this scene simply not funny, it’s also very dumb, for obvious reasons we won’t get into because then we’d be insulting your intelligence.
Related: 13 Characters From the Original ‘Star Wars’ Trilogy Ranked
Star Wars Deserved Better Than This
This one is more than just a line or two, but we can’t not talk about how cringe the third-act speech is. Poe Dameron’s words of wisdom rallies up all the Rebels as they prepare to battle against the ingeniously named “Final Order.” The audience, on the other hand, is just bored.
“We’ve got friends out there,” he tells them. “They’ll come if they know there’s hope. They will. The First Order wins by making us think that we’re alone. We’re not alone. Good people will fight if we lead them.”
“Leia never gave up,” Finn adds. “And neither will we. We’re going to show them we’re not afraid.” Poe continues, “What our mothers and fathers fought for, we will not let die. Not today. Today, we make our last stand. For the galaxy. For Leia. For everyone we’ve lost.
“They’ve taken enough of us,” Finn says, picking up the thread again. “Now we take the war to them.”
On paper, this speech sounds great. But on the screen, it feels half-baked. The final entry in the Skywalker Saga deserved more than this. Independence Day (1996), eat your heart out.
Related: Where is Ahsoka During All Three ‘Star Wars’ Trilogies?
The Rise of Skywalker stars Daisy Ridley (Rey Skywalker), Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker), Adam Driver (Ben Solo/Kylo Ren), Harrison Ford (Han Solo), Carrie Fisher (Leia Organa), John Boyega (Finn), Kelly Marie Tran (Rose Tico), Oscar Isaac (Poe Dameron), Anthony Daniels (C-3PO), Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian), Richard E Grant (Allegiant General Pryde), Domhnall Gleeson (General Hux), Naomi Ackie (Jannah), Lupita Nyong’o (Maz Kanata), Keri Russell (Zorii Bliss), Ian McDiarmid (Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious), and Joonas Suotamo (Chewbacca),.
The Rise of Skywalker is streaming on Disney+.
Are you a fan of The Rise of Skywalker? Let Inside the Magic know in the comments down below!