Credit: Marvel StudiosA baby wails from her carrier in the back seat of a Toyota, and her new parents are unsure what to do. Finally, they pull over on the side of the road and realize it’s most likely a mix of the heat of a sweltering hot summer day in Sydney, Australia, and hunger. It’s 1973, and there’s no AC, and the drive to Newcastle, New South Wales, will take hours. Both parents start to worry, wondering if they’ve made the right decision to adopt a baby. After all, what do they know about raising a child? Of course, these types of thoughts go through the mind of any new parent. Still, there are so many future complications that are never thought of in the immediate adoption process.
While I wasn’t whisked off to another planet like Peter Quill in Guardians of the Galaxy, I might as well have been. Unlike Quill, and his alter ego Star Lord, I was only one month old when I was adopted, and my parents sat me down at the dinner table to tell me the news when I was six. The nuns at the Catholic adoption home I’d been adopted through, recommended that this was the age to tell a child. Whether it was from this discovery or the fact that I didn’t fit in with the other kids because of social anxiety issues, for as long as I could remember, I felt a sense of disconnect from everything, like I didn’t belong anywhere at home or school. But I knew my parents were doing the best job they could.
The darkness of a movie theatre made me feel like I was completely safe and in my own little bubble from the rest of the world. I always found something safe and comforting about going to the movies alone. It was during one of these times that I first saw Guardians of the Galaxy, and felt someone truly understood what I was going through as an adoptee. It almost felt like Guardians of the Galaxy was written for me. Years later, watching Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, the old feelings of understanding flooded back to me, especially in Star Lord’s search for his biological father.
At the heart of the Guardians‘ narrative lies the character of Star-Lord, whose origin story is a compelling exploration of adoption. Abducted from Earth as a child and raised by a band of intergalactic outlaws, Quill’s journey encapsulates the complex emotions and identity struggles experienced by many adoptees like myself. I shared Quill’s longing to understand his roots and the quest to reconcile his dual heritage.
I just wanted to know if someone out there looked like me. I wanted to know where I got my sense of humor or my love of history. Did I have a cultural connection to any particular country? Any of this information may have made me feel like I belonged somewhere, but not knowing those details is a little like being a ship lost at sea. This is possibly why I would often fantasize about my origin story. When I was a teenager, I imagined that my biological mother was someone famous like Cyndi Lauper, even though I knew the reality of that was very remote. This memory popped into my head when I heard Quill mention on screen that he told the kids at school his father was David Hasselhoff.
In reality, his dad was Ego, a celestial being. In reality, my biological parents were two teenagers who would have ruined their lives if they’d been allowed to keep me. When I was an adult, I discovered that my dreams of meeting my biological mother and finding some personal connection with her would never happen; she died of an overdose when she was 26. However, I found out from other family members that she and my biological father had wanted to keep me, but didn’t have the ability to at the time.
In the same way, Ego tells Quill that Quill’s parents loved and wanted him. Still, because of circumstances beyond their control, Quill’s parents had no choice but to let their child be raised by someone else. That knowledge of being wanted creates a powerful emotional connection. So, when Quill discovers he’s also part celestial being with powers like his father, he feels a sense of wonder. At this point in the narrative, it seems he has found the connection he has been craving. However, it comes at a price.
In the same way, I was aware that my adopted family might be hurt by my decision to find and form a relationship with my birth parents. This was frustrating because I wanted someone to understand the need to discover my roots and identity. Instead, I felt guilt over something no one should feel guilty about.
When Quill finds a connection with his biological Father through their shared power, he becomes defensive when fellow Guardian, Gamora points out that something doesn’t seem right. “Why are you trying to take this away from me?” he asks her. “I finally found my family. Don’t you understand that?” She replies, “I thought you already had,” referring to herself and the other Guardians. I understood what she meant, but as an adoptee, her response annoyed me. Like my adopted family, she felt Quill should be satisfied with what he had rather than searching for something that may not exist.
My bond with my adopted parents isn’t strong despite my appreciation for all they’d done. Quill bonds with the Guardians through similarities, intellect, a sense of humor, and shared values. For me, this highlights how rare it is to find the kind of people you can click with like this, and when you do find them, it’s essential to hold on to them before you discover it too late, like it was for Quill and his adopted dad, Yondoo.
Quill’s relationship with Yondoo is one of the saddest in the series, and it struck a nerve with me as it reminded me of my adopted father. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 reveals that Yondoo really did see Quill as his son, but his macho persona prevented him from expressing it. Much like Quill, it wasn’t until my father passed that I really understood what he had meant to me and that the relationship that I’d shared with him was something that I would never find anywhere else.
“He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy,” Yondoo says in his final moments. “I’m sorry I didn’t do none of it right. I’m damn lucky you’re my boy.” And that’s precisely how I feel about my own dad. We might not have connected in the way I was searching for, but there was no denying the special relationship we had.